Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
