i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
