i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
