Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
