worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
