You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
