It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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