why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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