You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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