Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
