No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't deserve a penis
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
