I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
