Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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