You really coming over, don't trick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
