Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
