Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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