It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
