Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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