Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
