well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
