Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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