no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
