You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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