I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
