I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wear drunk well.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
