So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pants are for mortals
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
