For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
