I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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