I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
