I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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