I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
