I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize