i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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