If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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