Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
