Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
