Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
