Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
