My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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