maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
