i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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