TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
