the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the liver wants what the liver wants
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
