dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Drake has all the answers
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
