I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
