I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
