well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
