i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
