Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
