i would punch a child for taco bell
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
