I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
