new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
