My room smells like vodka and shame
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
