I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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