Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
