Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
