Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
