my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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