I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
