I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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