i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
