i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
