Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
