Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
