That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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