turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
