omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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