Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
