i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
