Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
